Anniversarial

My wife and I went down to the counter at the county and got "legally" approved as a couple a year ago today. We ,of course, had to pay to do this because we had a county involved in our trip now. Our 11 year old son was there and our friend Sheila. Maybe someone else we know came too, it's fuzzy but I'm having a memory. Hey,Ed was there too, our good friend Ed. We are qualified feelings wise to get married, but this was mostly a business decision.

Jess has been reading Poop in the Pipes. I knew she was. I got this on the internet for christsakes so maybe Dick Fucking Cheney is reading it too, who knows? Anyway, the point is, I can't stop her. I never could stop her. Shotgun Dick couldn't either, believe me. She's the best. She hates all the right people, like I do. I'm crazy for her.

I asked her last night how she liked it, Poop in the Pipes that is. "This didn't happen like this, maybe it didn't happen at all" she says. That was the time to make a good decision, write disclaimers and vanish from the internet forever. "Harmony in the home, above all else" say the Chinese, who rule the Earth. Not this motherfucker. I'm dumb as a smashed squirrel sometimes. "It's just creative" I told her, "I jiggled the facts a little for my readers amusement."

She looked right at me. That is never good under conditions like these. I was going to mention that Lewis Moon never drank a quart of Ayahuasca and stole a plane and bailed out into the jungle and joined the headhunters down there either and no one fucked with Matthiessen about it. No dice. It was all over for me already. I'm no Peter Matthiessen, goddam it.


"That's not exactly how it happened with Stan, either." Did you ever pee in your pants when you were a kid and try to explain it to your mother when it wasn't ever going to fly and you knew it but you had to try anyway? I remember how that felt, not being able to escape from the powerful woman who knows everything part."I didn't want to take up a lot of space." I'm a worm. I was probably trying to grin like a sheep.

"If you're going to bullshit on here, I'm not going to read it anymore." Well, that should work out. I write, she doesn't read it. "All this shit happened,you know, I just jiggled the chronological order in the discourse to amuse myself and maybe others." "Leave the dogs out of it, you bastard." She never said that. She's solved the dilemma. Again. I get to be me and she'll ignore it, like usual. She's the best, I'm telling you. Happy anniversary, baby.