Stolen Material

I have a few education sites I look over from time to time due to my status as a father of a kid in school. I read this last summer, forgot about it, and then it came back. It is so damn funny I am sharing it here as I don't know if you could get it by looking for it on her site because it's so old.  I'll give it to you verbatim.
   " Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected, incorrect spelling has been left in."
 I hope you like these as much as I do.
 
1) In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.

 2) Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noahs wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built the Ark and the animals came on in pears.

3) Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire at night.

 4) The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5) Sampson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

 6) Sampson slayed the Philistines with the Axe of the Apostles.

 7) Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

 8) The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.

  9) The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

 10)The seventh commandment is "Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery."

 11) Moses died before he ever reached Canada then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

 12) The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

  13) David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar.. he fought the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

 14) Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

 15) When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang The Magna Carta.

 16) When the three Wiseguys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

 17) Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

 18) St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

 19) Jesus enunciated The Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained that a man doth not live by sweat alone.

 20) It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

 21) The people who followed the lord were called the Twelve Decibels.

 22) The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

 23) One of the Opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

 24) St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage.

 25) Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
   
       Amen.

http//www.atticannie.wordpress.com/2010/01/13/humor-in-the-classroom-kids-gifts-to-teachers/